Honey Bunches of Oats Fruit Blends

A few weeks ago I posted a not-review of the new Honey Bunches of Oat Fruit Blends flavors. Realizing purchasing an additional two boxes of cereal at that time would have likely landed me a place on Hoarders, I made sure to file away the two new flavors under the “must try” list once I polished off two boxes of Waffle Crisp and a box each of Peanut Butter Cheerios and Kashi GoLean Cinnamon Crumble.

About 139 grams of sugar later I am happy to report those boxes are in the recycling bin and the morning bowl is being filled with actual flakes of crispy banana and crunchy raspberry.

Honey Bunches of Oats will always hold a special place in my heart as being one of the first adult-marketed cereals to really intrigue me and get me off the concept of eating cereals with sugar as their first ingredient. Even for a Froot Loop like myself, the plain Honey Roasted version had enough sweetness and textural contrast to keep me interested, teaming up with Kelloggs’ Smart Start and Quaker Life to form the first beginnings of sugar-overload restraint on the part of 13-year old Adam’s morning of mindless hand-to-box cereal snacking. Unfortunately, my love of HBO’s has ebbed and flowed with the release of different flavors, reaching peaks with the now-discontinued Banana, Chocolate, and Apples and Cinnamon flavors, and seeing disinterest with Raisin, Almonds, and Vanilla.

The latest version of the family tree comes in two mash-ups promising two flavors each; one pairing Crispy Banana flavored Flakes with Crunchy Blueberry flavored Granola Clusters, the other matching up Peach flavored Flakes with Raspberry flavored Granola Clusters.

Notice how I mentioned flavored. Unlike the Strawberry, Raisin, and Peach flavors of the cereal, the Fruit blends don’t actually include real fruit. Once I realized this I was a little skeptical of buying either, although having tried both, I’m much more willing to overlook the lack of actual fruit in one flavor over the other.

First up is the Banana and Blueberry Blend. The Banana flavor is subtle, which is how I like it best. Not betraying a cloyingly sweet Banana Cheerios flavor, it compliments the light crisp of the Corn flakes perfectly, and takes on intermittent bursts of a blueberry syrup flavor from the crunchier granola pieces. The smaller, moderate crisp of the brown-sugar tasting wheat pieces rounds out the flavors and completed the textural symphony, as I found myself enjoying the harmony of crunch and crisp, sweet and wholesome equally with or without milk. Nutritionally, it’s hard to beat six grams of sugar if you’re into the whole “sugar is the devil” thing, although a gram of fiber and a paltry two grams of protein don’t compete with the Kashi offerings.

I really enjoyed the Banana and Blueberry Blend but didn’t find Peach and Raspberry to rock my world so much. As a complete side note, does anyone pronounce the “p” in “Raspberry?” It’s gotta be the most worthless letter this side of the French language. Nevertheless, I suppose it’s worth saying that the flavor of a peach can never truly be captured in syrup or “artificial flavor” form. The flavor in the cereal comes off as too tart and synthetic, almost metallic to an extent. Like a quarterback forcing a wobbly ball into triple coverage, it tries to get too cute but will never be able to complete the perfect spiral that is a perfectly ripe peach of late July. The raspberry flavor isn’t as assertive or impactful of the blueberry flavor, and instead of getting two distinct and contrasting notes of fruits with varying profiles of sweet and astringent, I’m really just getting an artificial peach vibe without even the textural annoyance of a dehydrated peach. Don’t get me wrong — it’s not inedible, but it does a disservice to how good the Banana and Blueberry flavor is.

The Banana and Blueberry Fruit Blend is definitely worth your time, but amidst a plethora of existing Honey Bunches of Oats flavors, the Peach Flakes and Raspberry Clusters doesn’t make the cut. Which, I guess, is the essential problem of a brand like Honey Bunches of Oats (along with poor oats cluster distribution when you first open the box). The brand has become a microcosm of the cereal aisle, providing way too many choices amidst a slew of even more choices. And while I’m definitely sold on the flavors of Banana and Blueberry, it’s not likely bring me out of perpetual mourning for the discontinued Chocolate Clusters.

Honey Bunches of Oats Banana Flakes and Blueberry Clusters 

•  Price: $2.50 (On sale at Weis Markets)
• Ranking: 7/10
• Chances I’d Buy Again: 60%

Honey Bunches of Oats Peach Flakes and Raspberry Clusters

•  Price: $2.50 (On sale at Weis Markets)
• Ranking: 4/10
• Chances I’d Buy Again: 15%

HoneyBunchesofOats.com

Ketchup Cap’n Crunchberries

Blame mom for this one Melissa, because by nature I’m not much of a tomato soup guy. It goes back to my childhood and how, in the wintertime when mom made my sister and I lunch on a snow day, we always had a can of Campbell’s Condensed Chicken noodle around the house. So you’ll forgive me if I’ve remained a little skeptical about your assertion that Alternative Cereal Medium week should be concluded with a play on Alphabet Soup by combining Post Alpha Bits and tomato soup.

It might sound like a cool idea on paper, but that would have required too much foresight on my part. And I tend to be very forgetful when going to the grocery store.

But something about the science of the sweet and salty, acidic and syrupy nature of condensed tomato product did resonate with me. I should mention, at this point, a potentially damning and unhealthy obsession of my refined sense of taste for the simplicity of the chemical combination known as Heinz 57. In simpler terms: I’m the kid who doesn’t get out of Chick-Fil-A without grabbing at least 17 packets of ketchup. I love it, and put it on everything, included slathering on Filet-O-Fish sandwiches.

So naturally trying it on cereal was not beyond the realm of WTF. I am, after all, the same young an kind of responsible adult who unabashedly proclaims that grilled Bison testicles are quite good once you get past the oder. Pairing it with the right cereal was not as easy though, but I eventually settled on Captain Crunchberries, mostly just because I enjoyed the alliterative aspect of the title combination.

Epic fail? Not quite, but it wasn’t some magical combination that Cereality would adopt on its menu. The thing I love about ketchup also happened to be its downfall in this case. Ketchup, for lack of an apt description, makes stuff taste like ketchup. Salty, sweet, and salivary gland inspiring, it actually drowned out the usually assertive flavor of Cap’n Crunch, and failed to be taken to the next level with the always welcome fluff of a warm potato interior that has been perfectly fried on the outside. I did get the cloying fake and dare I say Nerds like sweetness from a few of the berries, but otherwise, the flavors didn’t mesh.

Still, I didn’t spit it out, which makes it better as an alternative cereal medium than orange juice. It might even give the horribly bland Chocolatey Cap’n Crunch a run for its money.

So what have we learned from the first Alternative Cereal Mediums week of this blog’s month-long lifespan? Well, not a whole lot, except that whipped cream and butter show promise, and perhaps even iced coffee as well. Orange juice and ketchup? Not so much. I meant to get to soda this week but we’ll have to save that for the next installment, as well as any other potential and dastardly combinations you, my dear readers, can come up with. Speaking of which, has this week inspired any of you to do some experimenting outside the milk jug? And no Chuck, protein powder does not count. Seriously buddy, live a little!

Rating: 4/10

Friday Ketchup

I received an email this morning from someone thanking me about a story I wrote in regards to their son, who recently accepted an athletic scholarship to a prestigious Division I institution.

It just reminded me that, while I love breakfast cereal and get a hoot out of doing food reviews and experiments, I get the most meaning from my writing when I’m telling a story of an individual and helping others to understand the sacrifice and hard work (often thankless) that some people go through in life. It allows people to understand that human beings are more than just who we label them to be on the onside, and it’s incredibly gratifying to be able to showcase and communicate a person’s whole character.

I’m going to leave that as my thought for the day, as I try to catchup on some important things in my “real life” for the rest of afternoon, and take some time to hopefully broaden my interests. If you’re really bored at work though, I invite you to take a look at some of the back posts from this week, and maybe even sneak a peek at GoMids.com. I also invite you to consider the alternative cereal medium of ketchup, which this blog will take a more in-depth look at this weekend, in leu of having no other reason to purchase tomato soup.

Eating Cereal with Butter (Milk Alternative, Day 4)

Welcome back to Alternative Cereal Mediums week. Man, you guys and gals aren’t much for the football commentary, are you? Bummer. Well, believe it or not I actually did not eat breakfast cereal today, although I more than think Wednesday night’s alternative medium experiment made up for that.

The internet has been going berserk about Paula Deen’s diabetes announcement last week, but it also got me to thinking about the Southern Queen’s favorite ingredient: butter. I never buttered anything growing up and aside from baking my family doesn’t use butter for much (we’re olive oil people), but even I can’t deny the appeal of its richness.

Richness, huh? It’s a word that I’ve long used to describe what lacks in any given cereal, and given the shelf-stability of the product I choose to make my number one carb of choice, it’s not hard to figure why. But if it’s richness cereal is lacking, and milk isn’t doing it for me to eat my cereal in, wouldn’t it just figure to pour some hot butter over my cereal?

Taking a bowl of Frosted Toast Crunch, I decided to test out the idea by melting half a tablespoon of butter in a nonstick skillet, and then adding my bowl of FTC to toast it up ANOTHER NOTCH. Yes, the pictures suck, but such is unavoidable during a mad kitchen experiment at midnight. Deal with it.

I gave the final product a few minutes to cool, but I was a little disappointed in the texture. Not hard and toasty and rich, but slightly burnt tasting and malleable, albeit with an addictive marshmallow treat flavor of sugar and butter. I was looking for something that would taste like French Toast Crunch but instead I got a weird hybrid of Frosted Flakes and Rice Rice Krispies treats. Definetly yummy, but probably not an every night treat, and after the first few bites of novel excess, it does get slightly boring.

Rating: 7/10

Short White Guys, the Senior Bowl, and Being World Champs

One was second in the league in receiving yards during the regular season. Another averages over 5 yards a carry through just four years in the league. The third only plays offense, defense, and special teams after spending  his college career as a quarterback.

None get out of the 5-foot-something range. All seem to be ”deceptively quick” in the eyes of television color analysts. And all will be playing essential — if not altogether expected and familiar roles — for  a team amidst arguably the greatest dynastic run in NFL history.

Wes Welker. Danny Woodhead. Julian Edelman.

One more thing; none of them were invited to the NFL combine.

The week between the Conference Championship games and the Super Bowl tends to see the curious intersection of interests between the college and pro football fans. Not much of an NFL fan myself, I’m nevertheless drawn to this weekend and its implications to the greater trends in the game at large thanks to the Senior Bowl. With our favorite Saturday heroes still wearing colors from our alma maters, we nevertheless view them through the spectrum of the hypnotizing scroll of NFL Network’s ticker and the harsh tones of Mike Maylock. Players — like Wisconsin’s Russell Wilson — are lauded for their character yet mourned for their lack of “ideal” size. Some — like Kellen Moore — will fall victim to the old “funky throwing motion” debate, while more than a few will stumble in interviews and arouse whispers and suspicions of not being the proverbial  ‘sharpest tool in the shed.’

All things considered, one could do worse than to be pegged as short, having a funky motion, or not having the football IQ of Vince Lombardi. One could, I think it’s safe to say on this not quite political correct of blogs, be a short white dude.

Funny though how we make jokes about short white guys not being the poster boys for athletic success when these three have been quite the opposite. In a day and age where the rumor of a less-than-ideal 40-time can cast you off to a MAC School or worse (yikes, Chadron State? Good luck with the Don Beebe route there, Danny) the thought that unheralded and overlooked can go to key role player or, dare I say in Welker’s case, veritable superstar, smacks of the kind of egalitarian made-for-tv movie you’d think the sports world would embrace.

So why aren’t they?

In a media environment Jordy Nelson ends up creating controversy in by musing on the popular stereotypes of caucasian skill position players, I suppose it’s almost a risk to even venture a guess. But as measuring tapes and electronic timers begin rolling out of the pockets of NFL scouts once again, it’s perhaps best to keep the cases of short white guys, the Senior Bowl, and the quest to be world champions in mind. Every team, every scout, every fan who scours the internet during a company’s other 4 hours of his/her time — they’re all looking for the next superstar to lead their team to the bigtime. But just ask the Philadelphia Eagles if it’s a guarantee of postseason glory, and you’ll likely get an awkward gulp.

Maybe they’ve all be looking in the wrong place. Maybe, just maybe, championships are won and loss not by the superstars at the Senior Bowl, but the short white (and black and asian and latino and ok, are there any arab?) guys standing to the side.

Alternative Cereal Mediums Week: Orange Juice

To recap: Day 1 was not so bad. Day 2 got worse. What will Day 3 bring? Time to finish off the box of Double Chocolate Krave by testing it out in orange juice. Remember, if you’ve got suggestions for non-milk cereal mediums, please let me know in the comment box. I am seriously starting to think about what might work with tomato soup…

• Cereal: Double Chocolate Krave
• Medium: Trop 50 (1/2 cup)

I was really looking forward to trying this combo. Orange and chocolate in a classic pairing, and I felt certain the juice would add the necessary smoothness that gives the chocolate filling its creamy nature in milk. So I was surprised to find this a complete disaster, so much so that I threw the bowl out. The orange juice is just to assertive and bitter, and only made for an off tasting interior. I seldom am at a lost for words when describing how something tastes good, but I always know when I don’t like something because I can’t reasonably describe why I don’t like it (see: olives.) This, I detested.

Rating: 1/10

Alternative Cereal Mediums Weeks: Coffee

Welcome to Day 2 of Alternative Cereal Mediums Week. Day 1 saw me conflicted about eating cereal in whipped cream, and I’m sorry to report that today’s experiment has left me no closer to finding a winning combination. No reason to beat around the bush, let’s examine Kelloggs’ Double Chocolate Krave eaten in Coffee. Be forwarned: little children and goofy adults may find the following pictures gross but curiously comical.

• Cereal: Double Chocolate Krave
• Medium: New England Coffee Vanilla Hazelnut (temperature: warm-hot)

Chocolate and coffee get paired in many desserts and beverages, so suggesting a liquid with a flavor affinity for a chocolate based cereal can’t be too far-flung, can it? Yes and no. It should have occurred to me that the weak structural nature of Krave would cave to a hot cup. It did in fact, turning the cereal into a mushy gruel. A tasty mushy gruel, however, at least with the first few bites. The hot liquid served to awaken the dormant “cream” center, and the background vanilla hazelnut flavor took on a mellow edge against the sugary rush of the cereal pieces. But little flavor was left behind in the coffee, and after a minute or so the pieces had collapsed like the (God forgive me for this analogy) Buffalo Bills in the Super Bowl. A few good bites unfortunately can’t salvage something I won’t be trying again.

Ranking: 3/10

Make an Impact, Stand for Something

Yesterday was a whirlwind day for anyone who turned on ESPN. From the NFL playoff drama to the shocking news of Joe Paterno’s death, the events of the weekend are going to take some time to digest before I can even venture a coherent message to takeaway from their occurence.

That digestions will not take place today though. Because this blog is taking the day of from football and food to stand for something.

I never want this blog to become political. But I do want it to make a statement — like many blogs — for something it belives strongly for. Not only that, I want this blog to live out an ideal we heard in the Paterno family statement. It was an ideal that Paterno lived every day of his life, and I think, as I join in prayer today with millions of all faiths and beliefs and stand up for the sanctity of human life, that it echoes appropriately.

Make an impact.

A tragedy, both moral and constitutional, has occurred in this country. And today I stand not against it in anger and misunderstood rage, but rather in hope and openness to create a culture in which minds and hearts can be changed. I stand in support of the hope that the people in this country can find value in that Divine Spark, and I stand in support of those who recognize that the quiet voice of inspiration can never be heard when it is proclaimed as “unwanted” and done away with even before seeing the light of day.

Today, I’ll live what Paterno preached. I will make an impact, and I will stand up for the right to life for all human beings.

Hi Low Cereal and embracing getting older

I turned on the television on Saturday morning hoping to find something good to watch. Normally I spurn breakfast at home on Saturday’s (settling on a coffee at a nearby Einstein Brothers) but the “wintery mix” outside didn’t bode well for my chances of making it there in one piece.

Just my luck, nothing was on the tube.

Oh sure, technically there were about 800+ things on thanks to Verizon Fios, but all the kids channels — the ones tasked with providing me my One Saturday Morning right of optimism and witty 5th grade humor — looked unappealing. Some bastard version of the once great Power Rangers saga was replaying for the 199,345th time, while a blast-from-the-past half-hour of a 1998 The Magic School episode wasn’t on until noon.

But this was 8:03, and I was hungry.

It’s a sobering reminder that I’m getting older, and one which speaks to the necessity of cereal like Hi Low Original. 

Something that is “all natural” and packs 6 grams of fiber, 12 grams of protein, and only 3 grams of sugar is never going to be “great tasting” (as the box claims), but it will replace an actual meal provided the right mix ins. To be honest, it doesn’t taste like much at all when eaten on its own. The soy grits dominate the flavor, which is to say it’s terribly neutral and bland. There is a slight backend taste of wheat and corn, but it’s not pleasantly earthy and sweet like Kashi GoLean, nor is it bran-ey or fibery like Fiber One. Crunchy, it’s singular in textural pieces, unlike the tastier, more complex multigrain mixture of Kashi GoLean. All that being said, if you add a flavored yogurt and some protein powder, nuke it up gently and create something of a “soup,” you’ve got yourself a full on meal replacement with incredible convenience.

No, it’s not great, but its tolerable, and once more, it serves a purpose, especially if the fridge is bare and your stuck home with nothing to do. For that, I have to give it points, because as I get older I find my incentive to build a crazy, complete meal sometimes more hassle than I’m willing to put up with.  For that, Hi Lo does a damn good job, although entertaining it is not.

It should be noted that the cereal’s neutral flavor makes it ideal for mixing with less nutritious cereals and other mix-ins (crushed up cookies? well hot damn!), making it a great base for trail mixes both adult and kid oriented. As for price, I bought this box on clearance for two bucks, but retails at the Shoppers’ I bought it at for $2.89. It’s not bad and I’d even consider buying it at normal price if Kashi didn’t lock in the $3 box at the local stores and Special K Protein Plus wasn’t always on sale. Given that, and given the fact that both those cereals boast similar “necessary” nutrition and taste better on their own, and I’m still likely to stick with them. Still, Hi Lo isn’t completely repulsive, and gets a tentative stamp of approval from the “adult” side of me. Just not when Magic School Bus is on.

(Calories: 90, Total Fat: 1 grams, Saturated Fat: 0 grams, Fiber: 6 grams, Sugar: 3 grams, Protein: 12 grams)

•  Price: $2.00 (Clearance at Shoppers)
• Ranking: 5/10
• Chances I’d Buy Again: 30%

Alternative Cereal Mediums Week: Whipped Cream

As someone who grew up eating cereal dry and who currently resides in an abode of skim milk drinkers, the only occasions in which I’ll actually pour milk onto my cereal are for official reviews. That’s not to say I’m always a “dry” cereal eater by any stretch of the imagination, and over the years have attempted to facilitate the delivery of sugar to mouth through the use of, shall we say, “alternative mediums.”

Today begins day one of the Alternative Cereal Mediums Week. On tap this week? Explorations in eating cereal with whipped cream, yogurt, orange juice, coffee, and yes, butter. Just because Paula Deen is laying off doesn’t mean I have to.

Also Diet Coke, because I’m curiouse. This is a blog which runs with scissors, if you didn’t already know. Don’t like it? Get your blog. Of course, other mediums will be contemplated as well, and I hope your suggestions will come in handy in planning other future alternative cereal medium weeks. So if you’ve got a good call, or you just want to see me try Honey Nut Cheerios in chicken broth, now is the time to speak. Comment here, or shoot me an email at AdamWCF – at – gmail.com. Onto the whipped cream!

• Cereal: Double Chocolate Krave
• Medium: Lucerne Whipped Light Topping

Chocolate and whipped cream? Should work, right? I like the idea, but something isn’t right. For starters, it’s kind of like pouring air into your cereal. Air with a weak but non-reconcilable cream flavor, depending on the fat content of your whipped cream (I’m using this light stuff.) Not bad, but not the creamy or thick viscosity that can penetrate into the cereal, and not as neutral in taste as you’d like. Likewise, it melts fairly easily, and despite going moderately crazy with my canister, I feel like I’m getting short-portioned. Not that I don’t like it. There is an addition of vanilla infused flavor that’s sweeter than milk and not so lactate, and it pairs well with the chocolate. But it doesn’t help with making the interior filling creamy or richer. Begs further exploration in variations of fat content, temperature stored, and cereal choice.

Rating: 6/10