There are two types of people in this world. Those who like dodge ball, and those who don’t.
Those who dislike dodge ball will enjoy the taste of Post’s new Goodmorening’s Cocoa Cinnamon Crunch. Those, like myself, who enjoy dodge ball and detest those slow pokes who cry when getting nailed in the face with a fast-moving spherical object, well, you might just want to stick to Cocoa Puffs.
Ok, that analogy might contain a bit of public middle school angst not fully exercised in the ten years since dodge ball was seemingly outlawed from my school system, but let me try to explain in simpler terms. Post’s Cocoa Cinnamon Crunch is not the cereal for those who want to be “all-in” for the sugar rush of a morning bowl, just like a gym curriculum of light stretching and lifetime fitness (whatever that crap means) was not what those of us who felt like taking out an hour’s worth of pre-algebra befuddlement on our smarter classmates needed.
I realize a number of commenters leave factious comments on this blog mocking my mocking of nutrition in cereals. I guess that’s cool so long as it helps you choke down a morning bowl of hemp seed crunch, but in all honesty, I enjoy plenty of low sugar, multigrain cereals for what they are. Heck, a morning bowl of soy infused wheat berries is actually a recent craving of mine, but, in the spirit of all things in moderation, I want my sugary kids cereals to be just that; a virtual C- on the nutritional spectrum, and having the classic and nostalgic taste that brims with enough sugar to make it to fifth period gym with enough energy to nail J. Herbert Smarterthanme in the face. A maze on the back, toy in the box, and a talking animal cartoon character certainly helps.
Cocoa Cinnamon Crunch doesn’t satisfy that desire, nor does it satisfy a desire for something that sounded so awesome I just had to buy it despite having enough cereal in my pantry to last me until 2017. Looking like a Cinnamon Churros and appealing to flavors in some of my favorite cereals (like Waffle Crisp and Cocoa Puffs) it instead manages to taste like none of them.
I have several gripes with this cereal, the first beginning with its box artwork. Unlike previous Post children’s cereals which include cartoon stone age people and waffle men, this cereal box contains suggestions for having a good morning. One of those suggestions is to say something nice. No argument there, but what the heck is up with this “light stretching” bit? Back in my day we killed each other at pickup football at recess after lunch, and WE LIKED IT. That’s exercise. Not some touch your toes then touch your nose nonsense. No wonder they had to lower the sugar.
Next gripe. Enough cereal for 22 bowls, huh? I measured out a half cup a milk and 30 grams of cereal. It was a half of a bowl, maybe.
Gripe numero tres. The cocoa flavor is weak to moderate (at best), both in milk and dry. The Cinnamon flavor lacks pop. The surface coating isn’t as sweet as Churros or Cinnamon Toast Crunch, while the fried mouthfeel so essential to Waffle Crisp is missing. Looking for some cinnamon and sugar to lick off your fingers? Better luck digging in a box of Apple Cinnamon Chex. Decent as a snacking cereal, but almost insipid in the drink, it leaves a 3.5 on the classic scale of chocolate infused end-milk* Heck, it doesn’t even get partially soggy, an aspect I happen to admire in milk.
For whatever reason, Post felt it necessary to play the homophone game and spotlight the nutrition of their newest cereals by exchanging ’morning’ for ‘morening.’ Well, two can play at that game. Whether you’re eating Cocoa Cinnamon Crunch in the morning or eating it because you want to get more for your uh, ‘ing,’ there’s no doubt in my mind you’ll be mourning your purchase, and wondering why the best sounding cereals always end up being the most disappointing.
Nutrition (30 grams): Calories: 130, Total Fat: 1.5 grams, Saturated Fat: 0 grams, Fiber: 2 grams, Sugar: 9 grams, Protein: 2 grams, Calcium: 0%.
- Price: $2.98 (Walmart)
- Ranking: 5/10
- Chances I’d Buy Again: 10%
*End Milk Scale with “1″ being white skim milk, and 10 being chocolate 2% milk.